A Winsome Wife

Well, we come back to our study in one Peter this morning, one Peter chapter three, and we're going to be looking at verses one through six today, one Peter chapter three. Let me read this passage for us. As we begin. Peter writes, in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husband, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observed your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way. In former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands justice.

Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. Father, we thank you for the relevance of your word, how diverse it is, and how it seems to cover every scenario imaginable. And Lord, this is a particularly controversial text if it's not understood and applied accurately and appropriately. And so I pray that you would grant us grace today by your spirit who inspired Peter to write these words, that we would've a proper understanding of what you said here, and that we would also know how to practically apply it in all the different circumstances and situations that it could relate to in our lives. And so we pray that you would help us to be good listeners today and that your word would go forth and accomplish its purposes in the hearts of those who believe, and perhaps even use your word today, Lord, to bring unbelievers to Christ. We ask this in His name. Amen.

Well, most of us have heard of St. Augustine, who was the famous theologian from the fourth century, but you may have never heard of his mother, Monica, a church historian, Philip Schaff referred to her as one of the nobles women in the history of Christianity. And God used her faithful witness to win both her pagan husband and her wayward son to Christ. If you know anything about Augustine and his testimony for many years, he sought satisfaction in worldly pleasures, sought truth in worldly philosophies, and the entire time his mother, Monica, pursued him, admonishing him with many prayers and many tears to come to Christ. And finally at the age of 33, he repented and he embraced the gospel and his mother's faith became his own schaff, recorded that she travailed with her son in spirit with greater pain than her body had in bringing him into the world and was permitted for the encouragement of future mothers to receive shortly before her death and answer to her prayers. She did eventually die in her son's arms on the way home from one of their journeys. And Augustine, who some consider to be the most influential theologian who ever lived, never forgot the tremendous impact his mother made on his life. And so in honor of her, he erected a literary monument in his most well-known work entitled Confessions. Listen to what he wrote about his mother's relationship, not with him, but with his father.

This is Augustine quote here. She served him as her Lord and did her diligence to win him unto thee, preaching the unto him by her behavior, by which thou ornament is her making her reverently amiable unto her husband. That language. Well, it's ancient. It does sound very familiar to what we see in this passage, does it not? And I think based on Augustine's description of his mother, she was the kind of woman that Peter was describing in this passage. She was what you could call a winsome woman. If you look up in the dictionary, the word winsome, this is what Webster says, pleasant, delightful, attractive, in a sweet, engaging way, charming. In other words, Monica's demeanor was so pleasant, so delightful, so attractive, so engaging, so charming that her unbelieving husband and son simply could not resist her faith in Christ. And they were persuaded to repent of their sin and place their faith in Christ as their Lord and Savior.

And so as we come to this passage this morning, we have the opportunity to learn how to become this kind of wife. Now, obviously not me and not the men in the house, right? But I think this is instructive for all of us, not just for women. And the principles that we find here don't just apply to women. They also could very well apply to men who find themselves married to unbelieving wise. We'll talk about that in a moment. But I think the first thing I want to note here before we get into this text is why does Peter's advice or why is Peter's advice to wives five times longer than his advice to husbands? Because if you didn't know the next verse, verse seven says, you husbands in the same way live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker since she is a woman, and show her honor as a fellow of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered.

So guys, just so you know, we got this coming, alright, next week, okay, it's going to be on us, but so six verses versus one verse. Now ladies, I know you're already concluding that it's because guys, dumb guys, all they can handle is just one little verse. That's enough for them to work on where you're a little more refined and a little more intellectual and you can process a lot more than us guys can. And so give us some more verses, right? Well, I don't think that's what's going on here. I think the reason why Peter spent six verses addressing the ladies in just one verse addressing the men is because in the Greco-Roman culture, the husband was considered the head of the home and therefore it was his responsibility, his prerogative to decide what religion the family would follow. And so the wife was simply obligated to adopt his religion, whatever he chose. And so if a pagan man became a Christian, he would automatically bring his wife and children to the church or to church with him. However, if a wife committed her life to follow Christ apart from her husband and she started attending church on her own, he would naturally see that as a threat to his authority.

So this put the wife in a very difficult situation. How would her husband respond? Would he shun her? Would he leave her? Would he punish her? Would he refuse to let her go to church? And so since the wives had a much more challenging task than the husbands, I think that's why Peter devoted extra time and space to give them wise spiritual counsel and encouragement. And again, like every other passage we've already looked at so far, and Peter, rather than helping them simply endure or even escape from being married to an unbeliever, he gave them a strategy for winning their unbelieving husbands to Christ.

Notice the phrase here in verse one. He says, in the same way, you wise be submissive to your own husband so that even if any of them are here, it is disobedient to the word. In other words, the pattern of their life is characterized by being disobedient to the word of God. And so I think Peter was specifically addressing women who were married to unbelievers. I know a number of you in our church are in that exact situation, and my heart goes out to you this morning. But more importantly, God's heart goes out to you this morning. The fact that this passage is in the Bible is evidence that God knew that there would be lots of women in the enviable position of being married to an unbeliever and you would need some special comfort and some specific counsel.

We know that Peter was not advocating, marrying unbeliever. The Bible makes that clear that we should marry or should marry anyone who is not a Christian. Second Corinthians chapter six verse 14 talks about not being unequally yoked. In one Corinthians 7 39, Paul said that Christians should marry only in the Lord. We know that I think the women Peter was addressing in this passage were most likely those who had come to Christ after they had gotten married. And again, Paul in one Corinthians chapter seven, which is kind of the marriage chapter in the New Testament, encourage those who came to Christ to remain in whatever situation they were. We saw that with the slaves, right? Don't know, try to get free, just stay in the situation you were in when you got saved. Well, it's the same for marriage. Specifically, believers should stay married to their unbelieving spouses in order to be a witness to them.

I think it's also important to point out that if this is how a wife is supposed to behave toward her unsaved husband, then surely this is also how wives should behave toward their saved husbands. So every wife now is included in this text, right? At least by principle, because sadly, even Christian husbands sometimes fit into the category of being disobedient to the word. I'm including myself in this. There are times that I can be disobedient to the word in the way I live my life or maybe the way I treat my wife and I can be rude or unloving or unkind or insensitive or uncaring or controlling or perhaps overbearing or prideful or selfish or abusive or disengaged or neglectful.

And I think it's easy for a wife who's married to a man like this to be tempted to think or to say, Hey, you can't expect me to be nice to this guy when he's not treating me nice or treating me right. And when he starts treating me right, then I'll change the way I treat him. But that's not what the Bible says. God, according to this passage, expects wives to exhibit godly behavior even if their husband is behaving in ungodly ways, which by the way is no easy task from books I've read and from counseling I've done.

And yet, by doing that, ladies, you will become so winsome to him that perhaps it will convict him of his ungodly lifestyle and cause him to become the man that God wants him to be. You say, well, that sounds too good to be true. How is that even possible? Because you don't know my husband? Well, let's set your husband aside for a little bit and let's look at what the Bible says to you as a wife in these six verses. I think there's six ways to become a winsome wife, six ways to become a winsome wife. The first one, number one is to submit to your husband, submit to your husband. Notice how this text begins in the same way, which tells us whatever he's about to say is connected to what he's just got done saying. And so we have to look at the context and we know that we've been really a new section started back in chapter two verse 11, where Peter said, beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lust, which weighs word against the soul, keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles so that the thing in which they slander you as evil dealers, they may because of your good deeds as they observe them glorify God in the day of visitation.

So Peter gave this general exhortation of how we're to live as aliens and strangers on this earth who behave in a way that is noticeably different than everyone else. So that unbelievers will get saved because of our counter-cultural lifestyle and witness. In fact, he repeats this, it's going to repeat this in chapter three, verse 15, which is kind of the bookend if you will, of this section. He says, sanctify Christ says Lord, in your heart's always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you yet with gentleness and reverence and keep a good conscience. So in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame. So that's the context. That's what he's getting at here. And then he gave, if that's the bread of the sandwich, you say, what's the meat of the inside?

Well, there's these three specific examples of how to be a good witness. Number one in society, that's verses 13 through 17 of chapter two, how to be a good example in the workplace. That's verses 18 through really 23. And now he gets to how to be a good witness in the home. And the key word in each of these three sections is the command to submit. He says it three times in verse 13, submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution. He says it again in verse 18, servants be submissive to your masters with all respect. And now he says in chapter three, verse one, you wise be submissive to your own husbands.

And again, don't forget the context here that Peter was especially emphasizing how we can submit to and respect those who treat us unjustly or unreasonably. And he exalted Christ as the example verse 21, that we are to follow in his steps who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in his mouth. And while being reviled he did not revile in return while suffering yet or no threats, but kept him trusting himself to him who judges righteously. So this is again in the context of being or experiencing unfair, unreasonable, undeserved treatment, not just from those in authority over you in the governmental realm, the societal realm, not even at your workplace and insensitive mean boss, but now perhaps a harsh husband.

And so he says, you wives be submissive to your own husbands. That word submit again is the word whoso. It's a military term meaning to fall in rank under a superior officer, subjecting yourself to a higher authority for the purpose of obeying and pleasing them. And if you're familiar with the New Testament, this is the primary command given to wives throughout Ephesians chapter five would probably be the most familiar in Paul's teaching on marriage. Ephesians 5 22 wise, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord for the husband as the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. He says it kind of in a shortened way, more succinct way. Colossians chapter three verse 18, wives be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. And then of course in Titus chapter two, Paul says that the older women are to teach the younger women and they're to encourage them to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure workers at home kind being subject to their own husbands.

Now having said all that, I know that this whole concept of a wife submitting to her husband is not a popular concept in today's culture. It sounds very chauvinistic or misogynist. That's the new word that's being out there. And I would admit I'd be the first to admit that verses like these that I've just read about, a wife's submission to her husband have been misunderstood and misrepresented and misapplied by some men who assume that they have unlimited unquestionable authority over their wives, which gives them the right to Lord it over their wives and manhandle them and mistreat them.

And we all know of tragic examples of husbands who have arrogantly exploited their authority and used it to justify placing selfish demands on their wives. And they've literally said, you have to do, you need to do whatever I tell you to do. And so women we know are often bullied and battered verbally, emotionally, physically by brutish, domineering husbands. And I think it goes without saying that this kind of behavior is wrong, it's sinful and inexcusable and women should be safeguarded against it. Amen? And furthermore, like every other command we have in scripture to submit to God ordained authority, it is not absolute and unqualified. A wife doesn't have to submit to their husband if he tells you to do something that God tells you to do or to do something I should say the Bible tells you not to do or he tells you to not do something that the Bible tells you to do do.

And a wife has biblical recourse if her husband is guilty of unrepentant adultery or her husband abandons his God-given responsibility to protect her and provide for her. But nonetheless, we need to understand that scripture is very clear. Wives are to be submissive to their own husbands. And when God created the world, he made men and women in his image. In other words, they were equal in his eyes and yet he clearly intended the man to be the leader and the woman to be the helper, that they have the same nature but they have a different function or a different role. In fact, in verse seven he talks about that a husband should view his wife as a fellow heir of the grace of life. In other words, he's on the same level when it comes on the same spiritual level in her standing before the Lord. Galatians 3 28, there is neither male nor female for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

But again, at the same time, God has placed men in a position of authority over women. One Corinthians 11, three, but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man and that the man is the head of a woman. Don't miss this and God is the head of Christ. Paul went on in one Corinthians 15, 28, when all things are subjected to him Christ, then the Son himself also will be subjected to the one who subjected all things to him so that God may be all in all, in other words, Christ is submissive or the son is submissive to the Father within the Trinity. And even as Christ's submission to God, in no way makes the son inferior to the father. And neither does a woman submission to a man make her inferior to the man just like Christ. She's simply serving a function or role that God ordained her to fulfill.

And husbands God has called us to be the leader in our marriage and we're the ones that he will hold ultimately responsible and accountable for our marriage. The buck stops with us as they say, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't include our wives in decisions we make, nor does it mean that our wives have no right to graciously confront our sin. And ladies, I would just say this, just because your husband doesn't include you in the decision-making process or doesn't think it's your place to point out his sin, you still can respectfully appeal to him and as his divine help make, God expects you to speak the truth and love to him whether he wants to hear it or not.

So the first way to become a winsome wife is to submit to your husband. Secondly, you need to behave purely and respectfully. You need to behave purely and respectfully. Look at verse two. He says, be submissive to your own husband so that even if any of them were disobedient the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Again, that word behavior uses it twice there in verse one and verse two is the word trophe talking about your conduct, your lifestyle. It's the same word he used in chapter two verse 12, same word he used in chapter three, verse 16. We've already read those. So he says that they need to be able to observe your chaste behavior. In other words, that you're morally pure in your character and in your conduct. You're clean, you're free from any sort of defilement. You don't give into his request to do things that are immoral or impure or sinful. It means you're careful about the shows that you watch on TV and the movies that you watch and the books and blogs that you read and the radio stations and podcasts that you listen to and the friends you associate with your chaste, your pure.

But he says, your behavior must also be respectful literally with fear. And I think this is in light of the context, talking mainly about the fear of God. Notice chapter two verse 17, honor all people love the brethren, fear God and honor the king servants. Be submissive to your masters with all respect or all fear, and so out of fear and reverence for God, you must honor and respect your husband even if he's difficult to respect. Even if you have a hard time respecting your husband as a person, you can respect his position as your husband, and it's your fear of God that inspires you to want to obey his command, that a wife respect her husband. Ephesians 5 33. In other words, your desire to honor your husband must ultimately flow out of your desire to honor God and his work.

And by honoring your husband, you are honoring God and so behave purely and respectfully. Number three, dress humbly. Dress humbly and modestly dress humbly and modestly. Verse three, your adornment must not be merely external braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses that word adornment there, let your adornment is the word cosmos in the Greek, it's the word from where we get our English word cosmos, which is kind of the ordered universe, but even more interesting, it's the word from where we get cosmetics. He says, your dorm must not be merely external. In other words, don't just focus on what you look like on the outside. And he mentions three things, braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses. That's a pretty good summary of what a lot of women focus on right now. Peter wasn't saying that it's wrong to go to the hairdresser or to wear jewelry because if that was the case, then he was also saying it's wrong to wear clothes, which we know that's not what he was saying.

This is not to be taken literally. In fact, what he was saying is not to let these things be your primary focus. I like how the Nasbe translators added the word merely. It's not in the original Greek, but they put it there. It's in italics, you see it in your Bible. Perhaps your dormant must not be merely external. I think that was an expression of Peter's intent here because in Peter's day, our day women were obsessed with extravagant hairdos and jewelry and clothes and they were always trying to outdo one another and how they appeared.

And so just like in our culture, there was this incessant preoccupation with outward beauty. I mean, just consider the beauty industry in our world today. I mean it makes billions of dollars providing women with everything from makeup to makeovers and injections and cosmetic surgeries and an endless assortment of designer clothes and jewelry and accessories. I mean, guys, if you've ever had to accompany your wife into Bath and Body Works or to charming Charlie's, it's not very charming for a guy to have to go there. But it's just like how can you, I mean, I'm overwhelmed. I mean there's just way too many choices here. I don't even know where to begin. But I mean gals just love that they know they're catering right to that woman's mind that just loves all those things. And so again, I think women feel all sorts of pressure to look a certain way, and many women have become convinced that good looks are what matter most, and that's the way to win a man's heart.

And the look today promotes sensuality rather than spirituality. And I think ladies, you would agree that it's very hard to find clothes that are modest today. Look back at one Timothy chapter two, Paul, when he taught about the woman's role in the church. He starts off by talking about this issue of modesty. This is one Timothy chapter two, verse nine, one Timothy chapter two, verse nine. Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for a woman making a claim to godliness.

It's interesting when you think about it. God was the original clothes designer, fashion designer, was he not? After Adam and Eve sinned, it said that they hid themselves because they realized they were naked as you guys say it here in Texas, right? And God's like, Hey, how did you know that? And they started trying to get some leaves pulling leaves off and covering them private parts up. And so eventually God killed some animals and made them the first set of clothes, which by the way was a picture of how somebody was going to have to die. Blood was going to have to be shed to cover their sin. It was a type of Christ way back in Genesis chapter three there. But when God originally designed the first set of clothes, he designed them to conceal Adam and Eve's nakedness. Whereas nowadays, clothes are designed to reveal as much as possible.

And so Paul and Peter both are saying, Hey, listen, a winsome wife doesn't wear revealing clothes that draw attention to her figure or are provocative or are suggestive in any way she dresses simply and seemly or discreetly besides ladies. You don't want men to be attracted to you just because you've got a pretty face, just because you've got a beautiful hairdo, you've got a fit body or a nice tan or stylish clothes because guess what? As soon as that physical beauty fades or someone better looking comes along, guess what? They're gone. You want a man to fall in love with you, your heart, who you are on the inside, not what you look like on the outside.

And so you need to dress humbly and modestly. Peter says, and this leads us to the fourth way to become a wince of wife is cultivate your inner beauty, cultivate your inner beauty, verse four, but let it be the hidden person of the heart. In other words, let your adornment, what makes you pretty, which makes you attractive, which makes you beautiful. Let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the side of God. So the hidden person of the heart, he's talking about our thoughts and our attitudes, those things that are reflected in our words and our actions. Our mouth speaks out of the overflow of our hearts. And he says, you should pursue having a gentle and quiet spirit. That word gentle means meek, that you have a humble attitude that patiently submits to.

You're not pushy, you're not demanding, you're not always trying to get your way or defend your rights. In fact, this word gentle was the word that Jesus used to describe himself in Matthew 1129. Come to me all who are weary and heaven laid and I will give you rest for I am gentle and lowly of heart. So Peter's just saying, Hey, be like Jesus. Right? Again, he's reminding him be like Christ who was modest and unassuming. Matthew 21, 5 talks about how he came into Jerusalem not riding some wild stallion and whipping it up. He came very humbly and quietly on this donkey.

So he says, focus on cultivating a gentle and quiet spirit. The word quiet there is just a sweet tranquility. You're not loud, you're not boisterous, you're not obnoxious. You calmly bear the disturbances created by other people and you carefully avoid creating disturbances for others. You exude a quiet strength and you have self-control. That's what it means to be meek as it strength under control. And again, I think you'd agree with me that this description of a gentle and quiet spirit is the exact opposite of the way women are portrayed in today's world. In the movies and TV shows and magazines, they're strong, they're aggressive, they're they're seductive.

He says, but that shouldn't be the way. Shouldn't be the way a Christian woman is. Let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. We've heard that word imperishable already in chapter one, verse 23. Remember, for you have been born again, not of seed, which is perishable, but imperishable. That is through the living and enduring word of God. So just like the word of God, a person's spiritual life is imperishable. It will last forever. One Timothy chapter four, verse seven, Paul said, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness, for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

Again, Paul wasn't saying, don't work out. Don't go to the gym or strive in the case of a woman here to stay physically attractive to your husband. He saying, don't waste a whole lot of time on these external things. Concentrate more on eternal things. So I think an appropriate question might be, ladies, do you spend more time primping or praying in the morning? Do you spend more time putting on your makeup and picking out your clothes than you do, putting on the armor of God and picking out the fruits of the spirit that you want to work on that day?

Proverbs 31 30, LE's mother said this to him, son, charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. I remember when I was in college, it seemed like everybody in my hallway had a picture of their girlfriend on their desk, and I didn't have a girlfriend, so I didn't have a picture and I wanted a picture. So I took an index card and I wrote out that verse, Proverbs 31 30, charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. And I slapped that in a little picture frame and I put it on my desk. And when guys would walk into my room, our dorm, I'd be, Hey, you want to see a picture of my girlfriend? They'd say, yeah, I didn't know you were dating anybody. Well come check it out.

And there was my little picture frame with that verse and I said, I'm going to, that's going to have a picture in it someday, but that's just a reminder in the meantime of what I should be looking for. And so sure enough, within a few months after I did that, there was a picture of Kelly in that picture frame, and I still have that picture frame in my desk at home and it's, I've got a lot better pictures of her now, right? That's why it's not out. But it is a special memory whenever I read that verse and I think, guys, that's what we should be focused on. Why? Because that's what God is focused on. Notice he says, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. That word precious means valuable, costly, expensive.

In other words, that you're valuable, you're costly, you're beautiful in the eyes of God. Remember what Samuel said to when he was looking for to replace Saul, right? This is what it says in one Samuel 16, seven, the Lord said, do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature because I've rejected him. For God sees not as man sees for man, looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks what at the heart. And you think about the way our culture just flaunts and exalts external beauty with things like the Miss America pageant, the Miss Universe pageant.

And whether you realize it or not, ladies, while you may never enter that pageant, you're in a pageant right now, you're in a beauty pageant, but it's a spiritual beauty pageant. And God is the one judging. In other words, he's looking down and he's rating us, if you will. I mean, how would you score on a spiritual level? How would he score you high or low? The point is that some of the prettiest women in the world are the ugliest in God's eyes. Some of the least attractive women in the world's eyes are the most attractive in God's eyes.

And men, what's most appealing to God if we're a godly man should be most appealing to us. Show me a guy who looks past the external appearance of a woman and sees her inward beauty. And I'll show you a man after God's own heart. And ladies, what will be far more appealing to your husband is not your sexiness, but your sweetness, your gentleness, your quietness as described here in verse four. Well, there's a fifth way that you can become a winsome wife. And that's in verse five, trust God. Trust God for in this way. In former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands. So Peter directed his reader's attention back to the women in the Old Testament who were a great example of what he was talking about. And he reminded them how they submitted to their husbands with a gentle and quiet spirit. And the reason why they were able to do this is because they trusted God. I think that's what's meant by this. They hoped in God. And hope is something that Peter's mentioned in chapter one three times the word hope. And we know it's a strong, peaceful confidence that it is based on the assurance that God has everything under control and he will provide for you and he will protect you.

In other words, ladies, submitting to your husband is an act of faith. It's an act of faith. It shows that you trust God and find your ultimate security in your relationship with him and not your husband. And so underneath the call of God to submit to your husband is a call to submit to God in faith. And faith dispels all fear and gives you the strength and the courage to submit to your husband knowing that God is accomplishing his sanctifying work in you through your husband, especially if he's a jerk. And when you believe that you've got nothing to fear, which is the final way that you could become a winsome wife, and that is to fear nothing, to fear nothing. Verse six, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord, and you've become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

So Peter mentioned Abraham's wife, Sarah here as a supreme example of a submissive, respectful, obedient wife. She recognized her husband's authority and displayed it in how she acted towards him and how she talked to him and about him. In fact, where she specifically called him Lord is found in Genesis 1812 when the angels came and announced that they were going to have a child. And she laughed and said, really, even though I'm past the age of childbearing and my Lord calls referring to her husband, my Lord is well on an age. And yet that was a title of honor. It was a title of respect.

And I would say there were moments when Abraham failed Sarah early on in the book of Genesis, when they would go, when they came into the promised land and they were hanging around a bunch of pagans, Abraham was fearful of what those leaders would do to his wife because she was apparently very attractive and he knew that. And so what did he do? Remember he lied to the leaders that this wasn't his wife. If they know she's my wife, they're just going to knock me off, take me out so they can have her. So I'm going to tell 'em that she's my sister and then they'll treat me nice because I'm her brother, right? So he lied twice. So Abraham was afraid, he was fearful, and yet Sarah continued to submit to him and respect him regardless of even when he failed. But notice he says, but just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him, Lord, you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear, become her children. If you follow her example, you'll share her spiritual likeness, in other words.

And if you do that, he says, if you do what's right, in other words, you'll be like her. If you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. Honestly, when I first began to look at this text years ago and try to get my mind around it, that last phrase threw me off. If you do it as right without being frightened by any fear, just kind seems like initially it seems like a random statement to me. Well, what does that have to do with a wife submitting to her husband? In other words, he's saying, don't let fear keep you from submitting to your husband with a gentle and quiet spirit.

And as I begin to think about it and meditate on it, I think you would agree, ladies, this is not in any way an insult, but I think in the same way, guys tend to be prideful and selfish and lazy. Okay guys, are you with me? Okay, is that fair? I think ladies tend to be fearful and anxious that you get easily flustered about things and tend to fret over things. And again, that's just a general characteristic of men and women. But one of the main reasons I think that wives have a hard time submitting to their husbands is fear.

They're afraid of what might happen to them if they submit to their husbands, especially if their husbands are treating them in an unreasonable or unjust manner, which this context implies. And so they think they may get used, they may get abused, they might get treated even more harshly if they just go along with it. And ladies, if that's your concern, then I think you need to do what Jesus did. Again, chapter two, verse 23, and while being Val, he did not revile in return while suffering under no threats, but kept what? And trusting himself to him who judges righteously.

You think about the faith that Sarah demonstrated, which by the way is the opposite of fear. You can either be afraid or you can have faith. You can either trust God or freak out. I mean, put yourself ladies and Sarah sandals just for a second and consider how she had to learn to trust God through many uncertain, unexpected, unpleasant, unwanted situations. Like when Abraham showed up in Genesis 12 and said, Hey, honey, God told me we need to move. And they were way off somewhere else and they had to move way that's moving across country there. And she's like, okay.

Or in Genesis 18, when he comes home and says, Hey, honey, God told me we're going to have a baby. She starts laughing, right? But I mean, think about that. Some of you ladies perhaps, or of ladies that found out that, oops, they got pregnant and they were later on in years, and that was a scary thing. Like, oh wow, how am I am going to be able to do this? What's this going to look like? What's this experience going to be like? And probably the hardest, most difficult situation was when he came home in Genesis 22 and said, honey, God told me to kill our son.

What God told me to take Isaac and go sacrifice him on the mountain, talk about a woman that had to do what was right without being frightened by any fear. Calvin said that Peter was exhorting wives here to perform, to perform the duties of their calling with a brave and fearless spirit, a brave and fearless spirit. And again, as we close here, I really didn't cover this in verse one, but Peter provided a powerful incentive for wives to be like this and behave like this. Notice he says, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word.

You won't have to say a thing because your life will speak for itself. Your actions will speak louder than your words as they observe. He says, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior, that's the same word that he used in chapter two, verse 12. He says, the day be because of your good deeds as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation. You may remember we talked about this is not just a casual glance. Every once in a while, this is a consistent, careful attention over a long period of time. It may take months, it may take years for God to use your example to break down your unbelieving husband, but as your husband sees you being transformed into the image of Christ right before his very eyes, and as he realizes that being a Christian has made you a better wife, God may very well use that to convict him of his sin and convinced him of his need for Christ.

And the good news, ladies, is you don't have to resort to nagging and manipulating and sulking and scheming and badgering and bargaining. You don't have to take Bible verses on your husband's beer cans or put tracks in his lunch or program, all the radio stations in his truck to Christian radio stations or Blair Christian music in the house when he walks in the door. That's all he ever hears. And you don't have to invite the preacher over for dinner to unload on him. Please don't do that because really, these things will only serve to drive him further away from Christ. They may be more of a stumbling block than a stepping stone.

And besides those who take this approach are not trusting God to change their husband, they're trying to do it themselves. They've taken upon themselves God's job. It's not your job to change your husband. That's God's job. And if you try to do God's job, you're going to typically end up getting frustrated and overcome with fear. And I think the greatest fear, and again, I told you this first kind of confused me. If you do what is right without being frightened by any fear, I think the greatest fear of a wife married to an unbelieving husband or a man who's disobedient to the word, what if he never gets saved? I mean, Peter says, maybe he might get, what if he doesn't get saved? What if he never changes? I want to be stuck in this miserable marriage the rest of my life. I don't know if I can handle that. That's a scary thought to me.

Well, again, you need to let God deal with your husband, and you just focus on being the woman that God calls you to be in this passage. And when you see small changes in your husband, thank God, and when you don't, and it seems like things are getting worse, trust God. Trust God, that he will grant you the grace to handle living with him even if he never changes. Lemme give you one more shot of hope. Ladies, another example from church history. George Mueller, who was the famous leader, founder of those orphanages in Germany, he told of a wealthy German whose wife was a devout believer. This is a story that George Mueller told. True story. This man was a heavy drinker spending late nights in the tavern.

His wife would send the servants to bed, stay up till he returned, receive him kindly, and never scold him or complain. At times he was so drunk she would even have to undress him and put him to bed. One night in the tavern, the man said to his buddies, Hey guys, I bet if we go to my house, my wife will be sitting up waiting for me. She'll come to the door, give us a royal welcome and even make Sup supper for us. If I ask her. Of course, they were skeptical, skeptical at first, but decided to go along and see for themselves. And sure enough, she came to the door, received them courteously and willingly agreed to make supper for them without the slightest trace of resentment. After serving them, she went off to a room. As soon as she had left, one of the men began to condemn the husband. What kind of man are you to treat such a good woman? So miserably? And the accuser got up without finishing his supper and left the house another did the same and another till all had departed without eating the meal.

And Mueller says, the husband was so deeply convicted of his wicked lifestyle and especially his heartless treatment of his wife. He went to his wife's room, asked her to pray for him repentant of his sins, and surrendered his life to Christ. And from that moment on, he became a devoted Christian. And he had become a Christian right because he was one without a word, by a winsome wife. Let's pray. Father, thank you for your word and again, how practical it is for our everyday lives. And this is not an easy passage to understand and even harder to apply. And I know that there are women in this room who maybe have struggled hearing this morning, but I just pray that you would grant them grace to process this text and to help them work through just how it relates to their situation and how they can put it into practice in their marriage. And Lord, I pray that we would always be sensitive and pray for women who are in this very difficult situation like the one Peter described here, and that we would come alongside them and love them and care for them, and counsel them and comfort them and just minister to them like Jesus would. And so just pray you'd help us to honor you, and by putting your word into practice now in our lives and in the context of this church, we ask this in Jesus' name, amen.